Life Lately: My Bipolar 1 Diagnosis & An Alarming New Debt Total

In early April, I published a blog post about paying off $1,281.56 in 31 days.

I felt motivated and proud—not just about the money but also the momentum I built in my life.

At the time, I shared that I was in a season of rebuilding, and that was true.

What I didn’t know then was how quickly things would unravel.

I Hit One of My Lowest Points in Years

I spent nearly four weeks in bed, not because I was lazy or unmotivated, but because I was in a deep mental health crisis.

My energy was gone.

My thoughts were jumbled.

Suicidal ideation was intense.

I couldn’t sleep or eat consistently.

All of the routines I’d been clinging to just… slipped away. And so did my ability to manage money, work, and life.

A Diagnosis Journey I Didn’t Want

I’ve always known something deeper was going on with my mental health.

For years, I chalked it up to anxiety, depression, and ADHD, my diagnoses. These medical conclusions felt safe to say out loud. Most people can relate to those, right?

So I stuck with what felt familiar and understandable, even when my symptoms went far beyond that. I delayed getting the real help I needed because I didn’t think it was “that bad”… until it was.

After finally reaching a point of emotional burnout, I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar 1 disorder. At first, I wasn’t sure. It felt heavy, and I still had questions.

Then, four weeks later, after being completely down and barely functioning, I followed up with my nurse practitioner. She gave me a second opinion (without knowing about the first one), and the results were the same.

That one made everything click.

The creative highs.

The spending sprees.

The racing thoughts.

The paranoia.

The hallucinations I’d never told anyone about.

The weeks of not sleeping for days at a time, followed by months of “normal,” then crippling depression again. It was a vicious cycle.

I just started medication, and I’m still in the early stages of navigating this.

Some days feel hopeful. Some feel like survival mode.

But for the first time, I don’t feel like I’m trying to fight an invisible monster alone.

With more clarity and a proper treatment plan, I’m learning how to build a new life. One where I care for my brain like any other body part that needs healing.

I’m not “fixed,” but I’m finally supported. This is a powerful place to start again!

Debt Update

While I’m proud of the $1,281.56 I paid off in March, my financial situation has changed significantly.

Spending four weeks in bed meant I couldn’t do DoorDash deliveries or even go to my full-time job (I ran out of PTO quickly). But what really hit hard was how much money I spent on food. I was ordering from DoorDash up to three times a day.

Cooking felt impossible.

Grocery shopping felt overwhelming.

And honestly, I couldn’t do anything more than survive.

The hardest part to admit? I barely ate most of the food I ordered.

As of today, my new debt total is a whopping $18,044.58.
When you’re going through a mental health spiral, the bills don’t stop. Neither do the temptations to make yourself feel better in the moment.

I maxed out credit cards, opened new ones, dipped into my little savings, and took out more loans just to get through the day.

As hard as this was, I believe this mental health crisis had to happen. It may sound extreme, but without that spiral, I wouldn’t have finally gotten the help I needed.

Why I’m Sharing This

I almost didn’t write this post. I felt like a fraud saying things were “getting better” when life fell apart just weeks later.

But this really isn’t about me…

I’ve learned that being transparent, especially when it’s uncomfortable, is part of my healing and my life’s purpose.

Money and mental health are deeply connected. Over the last five weeks, I've experienced that connection in real time.

That’s why I’ll keep sharing both — the practical steps and the emotional truth — with other women over 40 who are trying to rebuild their lives, too.

If You're in a Dark Season, Please Hear Me When I Say:

You're not lazy, broken, or behind.

You're human.

You can start again, even if it's from bed…even if it takes time.

And when you're ready, your career, finances, and dream life will still be there—waiting with grace, not judgment.

We’re still in this — together!

Thank you so much for being here.

With so much love,
Monique