Life Lately: My Bipolar 1 Diagnosis & An Alarming New Debt Total

In early April, I published a blog post about paying off $1,281.56 in 31 days.

I felt motivated and proud—not just about the money but also the momentum I built in my life.

At the time, I shared that I was in a season of rebuilding, and that was true.

What I didn’t know then was how quickly things would unravel.

I Hit One of My Lowest Points in Years

I spent nearly four weeks in bed, not because I was lazy or unmotivated, but because I was in a deep mental health crisis.

My energy was gone.

My thoughts were jumbled.

Suicidal ideation was intense.

I couldn’t sleep or eat consistently.

All of the routines I’d been clinging to just… slipped away. And so did my ability to manage money, work, and life.

A Diagnosis Journey I Didn’t Want

I’ve always known something deeper was going on with my mental health.

For years, I chalked it up to anxiety, depression, and ADHD, my diagnoses. These medical conclusions felt safe to say out loud. Most people can relate to those, right?

So I stuck with what felt familiar and understandable, even when my symptoms went far beyond that. I delayed getting the real help I needed because I didn’t think it was “that bad”… until it was.

After finally reaching a point of emotional burnout, I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar 1 disorder. At first, I wasn’t sure. It felt heavy, and I still had questions.

Then, four weeks later, after being completely down and barely functioning, I followed up with my nurse practitioner. She gave me a second opinion (without knowing about the first one), and the results were the same.

That one made everything click.

The creative highs.

The spending sprees.

The racing thoughts.

The paranoia.

The hallucinations I’d never told anyone about.

The weeks of not sleeping for days at a time, followed by months of “normal,” then crippling depression again. It was a vicious cycle.

I just started medication, and I’m still in the early stages of navigating this.

Some days feel hopeful. Some feel like survival mode.

But for the first time, I don’t feel like I’m trying to fight an invisible monster alone.

With more clarity and a proper treatment plan, I’m learning how to build a new life. One where I care for my brain like any other body part that needs healing.

I’m not “fixed,” but I’m finally supported. This is a powerful place to start again!

Debt Update

While I’m proud of the $1,281.56 I paid off in March, my financial situation has changed significantly.

Spending four weeks in bed meant I couldn’t do DoorDash deliveries or even go to my full-time job (I ran out of PTO quickly). But what really hit hard was how much money I spent on food. I was ordering from DoorDash up to three times a day.

Cooking felt impossible.

Grocery shopping felt overwhelming.

And honestly, I couldn’t do anything more than survive.

The hardest part to admit? I barely ate most of the food I ordered.

As of today, my new debt total is a whopping $18,044.58.
When you’re going through a mental health spiral, the bills don’t stop. Neither do the temptations to make yourself feel better in the moment.

I maxed out credit cards, opened new ones, dipped into my little savings, and took out more loans just to get through the day.

As hard as this was, I believe this mental health crisis had to happen. It may sound extreme, but without that spiral, I wouldn’t have finally gotten the help I needed.

Why I’m Sharing This

I almost didn’t write this post. I felt like a fraud saying things were “getting better” when life fell apart just weeks later.

But this really isn’t about me…

I’ve learned that being transparent, especially when it’s uncomfortable, is part of my healing and my life’s purpose.

Money and mental health are deeply connected. Over the last five weeks, I've experienced that connection in real time.

That’s why I’ll keep sharing both — the practical steps and the emotional truth — with other women over 40 who are trying to rebuild their lives, too.

If You're in a Dark Season, Please Hear Me When I Say:

You're not lazy, broken, or behind.

You're human.

You can start again, even if it's from bed…even if it takes time.

And when you're ready, your career, finances, and dream life will still be there—waiting with grace, not judgment.

We’re still in this — together!

Thank you so much for being here.

With so much love,
Monique

How I Paid Off $1,281.56 in 31 Days (On A Low Income)

Starting Balance 2-28-2025: $13,716.24 (not including student loans)

Amount I Paid Off in March 2025 - $1,281.56

Currently: $12,434.68

My Money Story

I haven’t reflected enough on this, but off the top of my head, my first real experience with money was as a teenager. I bounced around from every part-time job you could imagine — tons of cold calling telemarketing (blah), pretending I knew the best hair dye for customers at Sally’s Beauty Supply (lol), bagging groceries at Food Lion, working customer service at Best Buy, etc.

If they paid me...I was there - even if for a few weeks….and usually only for a few weeks.

High School…around 1997

I remember racing to the bank to deposit my $200 paycheck biweekly.

When the money cleared my account, I had to find a way to spend it immediately. I was good friends with TJ Maxx, Wendy’s, Wal-Mart, and Foot Locker.

It wasn’t like I didn’t know much about personal finance… As a child, my dad always stressed saving money & investing (while making me watch Suze Orman lol) and my mom stayed on my ass about the importance of an excellent credit score and budgeting.

Knowing what to do is one thing, but executing is a different ball game.

I’ve been “bad” with money for most of my life.

Overdrawn checking accounts.

Bankruptcy at 22 (I still don’t know why Navy Federal gave me a $20K chile!).

Zero in savings.

Underemployed.

Cash Advances.

500 credit score.

Robbing Peter to Pay Paul.

Any dicey financial situation you can imagine — I’ve been there.

The Decision

After racking up even more credit card and personal loans debts in 2024 to help my son, I promised myself that I will execute on paying off balances, save, and give myself grace as I navigate this journey. I started paying off credit cards and personal loans with minimal balances in early January, but March motivated me to take hard steps to look at my complete financial picture. The reality: I have an income problem - I have to find ways to increase my money.

How I Paid Off $1,281.56 in 31 Days:

• I wrote down all my debts. I had a ballpark figure in January, but it was eye-opening to see the real numbers. This step is so hard for many of us, but it is necessary. How will we know where to start when you don’t have all the facts? Refund check from school - I received a small refund check from school and planned to use it towards debt. As soon as the money hit my account, I went on a damn shopping spree at the mall of all places. Fortunately, after two weeks, I got it together and returned purchases I hadn’t used yet (approximately $250).

• I started DoorDash as a side hustle. On February 28th, I started doing DoorDash for extra cash. I live within walking distance of so many restaurants and stores, so the app is always busy near me. My car is over ten years old, so I try to stay within a five-mile radius for deliveries and never take orders under $6.

What I Did to Stay on Track

• I listened to several audiobooks in March to keep myself on track and help with my mindset. Financial/Business Books I Listened to: We Should All Be Millionaires (10/10), You Need A Budget (10/10), and Love Your Life, Not Theirs (5/10).

• Focused on one debt at a time and watched that balance like a hawk. - After seeing the real numbers, I decided the order of the debts I would like to pay off, then focused on each debt at a time. Instead of obsessing over the total amount (overwhelming), I obsessed over one balance and made a game out of it. I would go out and plan to make $60 on DoorDash, cash it out, and immediately apply that money to the balance. I was racing to zero, which was more fun than expected.

Your First Step

Do you know how much you owe in debt? Not an approximate number, but the real number. Pull the Band-Aid off and get those numbers on paper, no matter how scary this is. Don’t forget small loans you may owe to a family member or that $20 coinsurance you forgot to pay last year for lab work. Get it all on paper. It truly is the first step.

Can you relate to any of this? I would love to hear from you.

Click the title of this blog post and scroll down to the bottom to leave a comment.

P.S. My income is “low” because I make $53,000 per year, while the median income in my region (Washington, DC) is $142,583. We’ll discuss my plans to increase my income with my current job and build my business in future blog posts.

Thank you for being here.

I Rolled My Eyes at Resolutions Until It Changed Everything + 2025 Goals

It's January, so I know you're being inundated with New Year, New Me posts all over social media.

Surprisingly, I'm thankful for this time of year.

It’s a fresh start that forces you to reflect on the good and the bad and consider what you can improve in your life.

Typically, I'm the one rolling my eyes at these posts because I often regret not making a dent in my goals.

Fortunately, I have a new perspective after achieving my big, scary goal for 2024.

What Shifted?

In late December 2023, during a therapy session, I mentioned that I was thinking about returning to school.

This wasn’t news to my therapist, but this time she encouraged me to go into details.

Even though I had only been seeing her for a couple of months (sometimes twice a week), it felt longer since we had made so much progress.

She asked how long it had been since I attended college and how much more time I needed to complete my associate’s degree.

In that moment, I realized a couple of things:

• I hadn’t been in school since 2010.

• Based on my mental math, I only needed about a year to complete my associate’s degree at the local community college.

I was embarrassed... how had I not finished yet?

My therapist helped me navigate my feelings, and we discussed steps to achieve this goal.

By the end of the session, I decided that completing my associate's degree would be my goal for 2024.

I was excited, nervous, and scared of failing.

I had all the feels, so we spent several sessions working through them (I know she was tired of me lol).

My Motivation for 2024 was Completion.

I desperately needed to prove to myself that I could actually achieve something I started.

And Guess What?

After three semesters of classes (including summer, chile), my associate’s degree in general studies happened!

So yeah, using January as a fresh start is a beautiful thing.

Here are a few of my goals for 2025:

• Money Moves: Pay off over $10k in debt (not including student loans). I will work on my relationship with money (it’s toxic) by reading books, continue budgeting, and increasing my income.

• Education: Complete eight classes (I go all year) toward my degree in English and begin weekly drills for the LSAT.

• Be Intentional: Read instead of scrolling — When TikTok was banned last night, I felt a sense of panic. I wasn’t sure what to do because I was so used to spending my weekends laughing, watching recipes I will never cook, and listening to think pieces on trending topics.

  This morning, without anything to scroll through, I read thirty pages of a book I’ve wanted to start for weeks, finished this blog post, and wrote several pages in my journal.

  The best part? I have tonight and tomorrow (holiday) to clean, declutter, and reduce my homework procrastination. So yeah, we need to break up real bad. I’ve got shit to do.

• Health: Ditch the Alcohol — Typing this makes my nerves bad… but here it is: I have an unhealthy relationship with red wine. It beats me up daily, and it’s time to move on. The brain fog and laziness it causes are no longer worth the temporary escape I use it for.

  The journey won’t be simple, but I’m committed to finding clarity and reclaiming my life.

  Even though there were many lows (low low, chile) in 2024, I learned so much about myself, and I'm looking forward to an incredible 2025. It’s up, baby!

BTW, another goal I had for 2024 was to pay off my credit cards and personal loans.

Spoiler alert: I have MORE debt this year than last year. I'll share why that happened in a future post.

What are your goals for 2025?

Thank you for being here. :-)

Finally Writing

It's been a long time coming...

For years, I told myself I would finally put pen to paper...or fingertips to keyboard.

Outside of my sporadic journal entries (I have to do better!) I avoided writing in general and especially publicly for years.

Until now, my blog was a collection of plant-based recipes and tips, but it lacked the personal touch of my thoughts and personality.

I was just a shell on this site - just smiling and shit not showing up the way I needed to.

I avoided writing publicly because this little voice always told me I wasn't good enough and no one cared about what I had to say.

This isn't just from my imagination, though.

I was behind in reading and writing - below grade level compared to my peers.

When we had to read aloud in elementary school, I'd panic and recite my paragraph silently until it was my turn so I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of the class.

This level of shame has followed me throughout life.

Instead of giving up, I eagerly read all through elementary and middle school. The joy of discovering new worlds and characters through reading was a constant source of inspiration for me.

I also spent summers writing short poems and hood fiction. lol

I was an avid reader and writer because I knew I was behind, but a beautiful side effect came from this - I fell in love with both.

So here I am...ready to share freely and allow others to join this journey of embracing my 'new' life as a writer.

It's a journey of personal growth, and I hope my experiences resonate with you.

This is the beginning of something special, and I'm excited to do it with you.

Creamy Plant-Based Pasta Recipe

Let’s get started with making this creamy pasta with plant-based sausage, spinach, mushrooms, and bell pepper.

Ingredients

• 4 plant-based sausage links of choice (I used field roast sausage)*

• 1 tbsp oil (avocado oil is great)

• 1 medium onion, chopped

• 5 garlic cloves, minced

• 1 large red bell pepper, chopped

• 2 tsp Dash garlic & herb 

• 2 tsp Italian seasoning

• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper

• 2 teaspoon salt

• 8 oz bella mushrooms, chopped

• 3 cups vegetable broth

• 2 cans full fat coconut milk 

• 1 lb farfalle/ bowtie pasta

• 2 tsp garlic powder

• Salt to taste

Instructions

1. Sauté the sausage for 5 mins on medium heat in a large skillet, stirring occasionally to ensure it doesn’t stick. Set aside for later.

2. Add your chopped onion, garlic, and bell pepper to the skillet and saute for 5 minutes.

3. Add your spices and salt, and stir.

4. Stir in your mushrooms and cook for about 6 minutes, occasionally checking and stirring.

5. Mix in your vegetable broth and coconut milk, bring to a boil

6. Once at a boil, add your box of pasta and additional spices and herbs.

7. Cover, reduce heat, and let set for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

8. Mix in three handfuls of spinach and cook it down

9. At this time, if you need more liquid, add in more vegetable broth, 1 tablespoon at a time.

10. Optional: make a quick vegan parmesan 

    • In a food processor, combine nutritional yeast with roasted cashews and salt, pulse till you achieve your desired texture.

11. Plate and enjoy!